blind ambition.

i woke up this morning with one goal - clean the windows.  well, the kitchen windows at least and that's job enough, given the incredible two inch thick dust on every slat of the cheap venetian blinds that came with our house.  how hard could it be?  i figured, get them in the shower, let the water do the dirty work, wash the windows in between, slap 'em back on and presto - instant gorgeousness!

oh, oh dear.  four hours later, this is my guide to cleaning venetians.

1.  force blinds from brackets, making sure to irreparibly bend at least one bracket at disconnection.

2.  carry blinds upstairs to bathtub, not realizing until its too late that your 6 foot blinds don't fit in your 5 foot bathtub.  persist.  bend and damage blinds forcefully until they're balanced just perfectly for all the shower water to run down blinds, out of the bathtub and onto the floor.

3.  soak up puddles with now water-laden bathmat. 

4.  get mad at spouse because he's not helping you and it's all his fault.

5.  carry dripping wet, yet still amazingly dirty blinds back downstairs and out to back deck.

6.  attempt to wipe dirt, bending several slats in the meantime.

7.  threaten spouse with immediate divorce if help is not offered NOW.

8.  spend thirty minutes watching spouse hook up yet unused garden hose located conveniently under shoddily-built deck.

9.  spend thirty minutes watching spouse spray blinds with hose.  perceive absolutely no cleaning action.

10.  precariously balance blinds on fence, stopping to pick them off the grass with every gust of wind.

11.  wipe each slat with a rag, cursing blinds all the while.

12.  perceive no discernible cleaning action.

13.  boldly state that you no longer care if blinds get clean.  ever.  woe to any spouse who makes suggestions.

14.  spend thirty minutes watching spouse try to fix broken bracket.  make snide comments about his ability to fix brackets.

15.  apologize once brackets are fixed.

16.  resist impulse to whack spouse across the head with blinds.

17.  argue for 10 minutes about how the blinds are to be reattached.

18.  reattach blinds.  stand back and sort all the slats that are stuck together with dirty water.

19.  realize blinds are put on backwards.  curse like a trucker.

20.  reattach blinds the correct way. 

21.  make lifelong commitment to never wash blinds again.  accept your dirty, water-spotted blinds for what they are.

so that was my day.  i highly recommend this exercise to anyone that wants to test their patience, relationship, and sanity.  cheers!

xoxoe.